It seems like I've been having this discussion almost daily. Maybe because I have personally been in this situation, and have successfully gotten out (positively), I don't see how so many are not connecting the dots. Our day in age technology rules communication means. This is a blessing and a curse at the same time. While it makes the availability to communicate to whomever you like simpler, it can also distance people even more.
Here's the situation:
Person A is going out to lets say a theme park, Person B is busy with previous plans, and Person C gets invited to join person A. Since Person A knew that Person B will not be able to go regardless, they don't mention it to them. Upon seeing that both Person A & C went and had such a great time without them, Person B becomes upset. They see it as them going out and not wanting to be with or invite Person B.
& there starts the problem.
Sometimes we have to do things in an attempt just to show the other person, "hey, I care about you". Its so simple to just have Person A ask Person B anyways, even though they are aware they will not be able to attend. The simple asking will let Person B know that they are not intentionally trying to leave them out and wanted them to be there as well.
This seems simple to me now, yet it is the biggest source of issue (obviously, there are bigger issues in the world but Im not talking about those so bare with it). I've been in this position, not exactly that same scenario as I just described, but that same vicious cycle of poor communication.
For me, I held in my emotions, I thought by doing so I was helping to not make a minor thing a big issue, or that my feelings were an overreaction. This only hurts yourself more, by internalizing everything you're not getting any answers, you're not getting any closure, it's not helping in the long run. It will eat at you and become a bigger problem which will result in resentment or blowing up at someone. What people don't seem to grasp is that WE ARE NOT PSYCHIC. If you are feeling a certain way, that doesn't mean everyone else is aware of it. Assuming that someone knows your feelings and situation is a HUGE mistake. Sometimes you have to spell it out for people, we are all human and can a bit dense to others emotions. (Firstly, DO NOT EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU THINK IT IS NOT OK TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO, we have feelings for a reason, we might be sensitive but thats the way we were made!)
Heres the second big thing. Upon telling someone how you feel, whether they physically apologize or not, YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. You get out, get it off your chest, let them know whats going on, then be done with it. Your ability to move on from the issue is a key point. If you don't move on, it will just go in a vicious cycle doomed to repeat itself. The other person on the receiving end might not do anything about it, which can make you more upset. But again WE ARE NOT PSYCHIC, they might be internalizing everything as well. What if they are internally tormenting themselves over it and don't know how to make it right??? Then, you becoming more upset only adds fuel to the fire. Im not saying either reaction is "right", but its realistic.
When we ourselves are the cause of someones pain, is it not hard to overcome that? Do we not sit there and think just saying sorry will not fix what I have done? I know I have.
I personally have a very hard time saying the words "I'm sorry". Not sure why, but I have to force myself at times because I know the person needs to know I really am sorry, even if Im acting like a buttmunch. Sometimes we need to be the bigger person and forgive those that have hurt us, not because they say sorry but because we deserve peace. Peace of mind and of heart. Do not hold something over their heads for the rest of their lives, how is that fair? Its only hurting you and them, then at that point who becomes the
No one in this world will go by unscathed. & we will not go through this world without being the cause of that pain. The sooner you accept this concept the happier you will be (or so I assume, Im no Freud here). Its worked for my personal experiences to say the least.
These two quotes I LOVE & have sent to many people, I only wish more would realize it.
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