Monogamy isn't natural

I have this overwhelming need to write this. Don't ask me why tonight, but its happening. I'll start by saying this is not about one person/couple, I can almost put money on about 5 people asking me if this was about them, but it's not. Just once again a topic that keeps coming up and I have opinions, whether they be the same as yours or not. So I'm going to just dive right in.

Monogamy isn't natural. Sometimes I wonder if we, as people, were meant to be monogamous. (No that doesn't mean my marriage is in trouble or on the rocks in any way).
But I go back and forth debating it, and a lot of the times I don't think it is natural.

That being said, I do think it is possible. I think our natural state and humanly desires pull us apart from the path of monogamy. If you try and want it bad enough you can obtain it. Its not something that comes natural, its something you have to work at, not once but constantly. That doesn't mean you are fighting every day to stay faithful, don't get confused between the two. Two people remaining together for the rest of their lives is not easy, but 100% possible.

The irony of me, of all people, feeling I have the audacity to speak on this topic is a little bit comical. You see, when I was younger and naive to falling in real love, I had a similar but more drastic view. I was often quoted as saying "Marriage is the last form of legal slavery." It petrified me to imagine giving away what I saw as my freedom to someone else. I didn't want anything to do with it, and for the most part of my life had no problem following that idea. No one thought I would get married when I did, I sure didn't. I never saw it coming. But thats how it happens right? It hit me like a bus, in every sense of the phrase. It was fast, and in a way painful. When my relationship began I became my worse fear; that head-over-heels, defines logic, ignores reason, stars-in-their-eyes girls. The people I had always mocked was suddenly who was looking back at me in the mirror. And with that came a giant blind spot, our relationship wasn't spotless or without hurt. But in a way I think thats what made our love so strong, if it were like any other relationship I would have walked away early on without a care in the world like I had done so many times before. He captivated me; mind, body, and soul. (Im so corny) So yes, I think monogamy isn't something that you come by naturally, but I think its something you can strive for and achieve.


The second part to this trip is when couples use breaking up or getting a divorce in arguments. This is such a big red flag to me, but for some people thats how they do. My mind can not make sense of that. Why would you want to threaten someone to stay with you, or shape up. If you are putting that on the table, to me that is just inviting problems, and just shows resorting to extremes. Having a partner that reacts or does this (again to me) is so off-putting. If my husband ever dropped the D word (yes, I call it that because it is such a big dark scary thing in my mind) on me in a fight, threatening to divorce me unless I did something I would tell him bye. Why would you want someone to treat you that way, or why would you want to treat the person you love more than anyone else that way? I think I would actually instantly cry if either one of us talked like that. If you are going to put the D word out there, you better have the guts to back it up and not just use it as a tool to get what you want. And by all means that doesn't imply that mine or others marriages are perfect without arguments, but it should be handed in a respectful manner. Go to counseling, do something that will have a positive reaction, or at least you could grow from. Maybe that makes me sensitive and emotional. But I'll tell you something else that that makes me, respectful to my marriage.

Some of you will most likely get pissed off by that statement but I won't apologize for you feeling what is ultimately guilt.


Now these two quotes forever stay imprinted on my heart and brain. They ring with so much truth…

Communications demise, Hurt feelings, Moving on.

Im about to get very real here.
It seems like I've been having this discussion almost daily. Maybe because I have personally been in this situation, and have successfully gotten out (positively), I don't see how so many are not connecting the dots. Our day in age technology rules communication means. This is a blessing and a curse at the same time. While it makes the availability to communicate to whomever you like simpler, it can also distance people even more.
Here's the situation:
Person A is going out to lets say a theme park, Person B is busy with previous plans, and Person C gets invited to join person A. Since Person A knew that Person B will not be able to go regardless, they don't mention it to them. Upon seeing that both Person A & C went and had such a great time without them, Person B becomes upset. They see it as them going out and not wanting to be with or invite Person B.
& there starts the problem.

Sometimes we have to do things in an attempt just to show the other person, "hey, I care about you". Its so simple to just have Person A ask Person B anyways, even though they are aware they will not be able to attend. The simple asking will let Person B know that they are not intentionally trying to leave them out and wanted them to be there as well.

This seems simple to me now, yet it is the biggest source of issue (obviously, there are bigger issues in the world but Im not talking about those so bare with it). I've been in this position, not exactly that same scenario as I just described, but that same vicious cycle of poor communication.

For me, I held in my emotions, I thought by doing so I was helping to not make a minor thing a big issue, or that my feelings were an overreaction. This only hurts yourself more, by internalizing everything you're not getting any answers, you're not getting any closure, it's not helping in the long run. It will eat at you and become a bigger problem which will result in resentment or blowing up at someone. What people don't seem to grasp is that WE ARE NOT PSYCHIC. If you are feeling a certain way, that doesn't mean everyone else is aware of it. Assuming that someone knows your feelings and situation is a HUGE mistake. Sometimes you have to spell it out for people, we are all human and can a bit dense to others emotions. (Firstly, DO NOT EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU THINK IT IS NOT OK TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO, we have feelings for a reason, we might be sensitive but thats the way we were made!)

Heres the second big thing. Upon telling someone how you feel, whether they physically apologize or not, YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. You get out, get it off your chest, let them know whats going on, then be done with it. Your ability to move on from the issue is a key point. If you don't move on, it will just go in a vicious cycle doomed to repeat itself. The other person on the receiving end might not do anything about it, which can make you more upset. But again WE ARE NOT PSYCHIC, they might be internalizing everything as well. What if they are internally tormenting themselves over it and don't know how to make it right??? Then, you becoming more upset only adds fuel to the fire. Im not saying either reaction is "right", but its realistic.

When we ourselves are the cause of someones pain, is it not hard to overcome that? Do we not sit there and think just saying sorry will not fix what I have done? I know I have.

I personally have a very hard time saying the words "I'm sorry". Not sure why, but I have to force myself at times because I know the person needs to know I really am sorry, even if Im acting like a buttmunch. Sometimes we need to be the bigger person and forgive those that have hurt us, not because they say sorry but because we deserve peace. Peace of mind and of heart. Do not hold something over their heads for the rest of their lives, how is that fair? Its only hurting you and them, then at that point who becomes the 'bad' person?

No one in this world will go by unscathed. & we will not go through this world without being the cause of that pain. The sooner you accept this concept the happier you will be (or so I assume, Im no Freud here). Its worked for my personal experiences to say the least.
These two quotes I LOVE & have sent to many people, I only wish more would realize it.